Down the Rabbit Hole
by Symmet
Summary: Where did God go that Castiel could not find him anywhere on Earth? The last place anyone would think - or even be able - to look. He goes to the Cage. And attempts to change Lucifer's mind. A collection of drabbles in an AU where God followed Lucifer because time out isn't really enough to teach the lesson.
1. Chapter 1

The necklace, that which would burn in the presence of God, held tightly by a seraphim holding just as tightly to his faith, never warms. And Castiel cannot think why. He has been to every molecule of the Earth, and he has even searched the night beyond. Nothing.

He drops it in a trashcan, disgust and pain and disbelief.

Dean does not remember that in all of his life, it has been warm, just once. Or perhaps, it is better to say in all of his deaths.

For while in Hell, it heated against his skin. But he thought it to be the hellfire, and it was not long before it was cut away from him, just as blood and bone and skin were.

He would not have known, in any case.

That God would be in the Cage.


	2. Chapter 2

**thousands of years ago**

God stood before him, far enough to not intimidate (a lie. His presence was intimidating exactly as He wished. Distance made no difference to His Will), but close enough that Lucifer did not feel distanced.

That God was here boded ill in Lucifer's mind, made him worried and wary. But God did not seem angry, and that in itself made his grace traitorously happy.

But He was there for a reason.

"When I set forth the prophecies, Lucifer, I was not setting your fate, nor any others. Not truly. If I was, you all now have the choice. If I'd given you that, if I had let you choose, that was what you would have done. It was your decision to Fall, just as it was your brother's decision to be the one to Fell you."

It hurt, and Lucifer felt the inexplicable urge to deny it, to disagree, _I wouldn't have. You said I would so I did_, but of course his Father was right. Always.

Even if it didn't make sense to Lucifer. _What did that mean? How could that be what he was going to do rather than what was predestined. Free Will does not exist._

Instead saying this, he remains silent, because he has nothing to share, nothing that God does not already know.

"The fate of the world belongs to you and your brothers now."

Lucifer said nothing, but felt, as God bade he feel, that his Father was not planning on going anywhere.

_Why?_


	3. Chapter 3

He crouched down next to Lucifer, for his form, though incorporeal, was not ambiguous. It was the shape of a man. Although Lucifer stubbornly held onto his pride, would not accept humanity above his Father, he stayed below God - although neither counted it as a bow to a human.

"You created demons to show me how ugly humans could be." A humanoid hand reached out and pulled his attention, much as a hand gripped a chin and turns a head to behold.

He did not offer His Grace to either chide and forgive or calm and comfort Lucifer. Lucifer was thankful for this, as it was in his very being to to love God, and he would not have been able to deny or ignore it. He was not sure whether he wanted to or not, but it would have been a betrayal if God had taken advantage of this. It was as a parent tickling a child who was upset with them - cheating a smile out when no smiles were ready to be given. When no forgiveness was ready to be given. He loved his Father, yes, but at the moment he didn't _like_ Him very much.

Calmly, He continued, "But you have yet to accept their potential, to see how _beautiful_ humanity may be."

Whatever lesson that was meant to be instilled failed.

Lucifer mourned for his brothers and sisters, and the love they had given up and the love they were denied.


	4. Chapter 4

"I kept you as long as I could bear to, Lucifer. I love all my creations, but I do not have love in myself."

It was an almost startling admission, and it left Lucifer still, as if he understood but couldn't.

"Angels are extensions of My Will. But you are also my children. I love you, but I would never have kept you as you were. You were always going to have to change."

Lucifer answered in Grace, and had he been human he would have shaken his head.

For Angels did not change. They were not bound by time.

If His form had held a face, it would have smiled.

"Lucifer, it will always pain me to know this is you first choice."

Lucifer would weep, but he has no form, no tears.

"You have revealed free will in Angels - to both the Host and to yourself. For this I am glad. But it is a terrible choice, if I may say so."

"So why let me make it? Destiny manifests itself as You Will. I must be as is foretold, if not right."

"Because, Lucifer, if I want you to fail, I want you to make your own mistakes, and if I want you to succeed, it is because you made it so for yourself."

God sighed.

"If I want you to be happy, let it be a joy you created for yourself. And if I want you to be sad, let it be because you regret without My guidance to repent."


	5. Chapter 5

"Humans are most beautiful in their ability to fail and get up again, and fail, and get up again. And learn, and bend, and break. And hold each other up, and heal each other and love beyond what they were created or told to love."

Disbelief curls out before Lucifer can think better of it, "The more human an Angel, the more You would love them?"

Then, slowly…

"And the more the Host would punish them. Make them fall - "

Horrified, he stopped. God continued for him, of course.

"And essentially turn them into a human, yes. I would want you all free, Lucifer, to feel as humans feel, and thus understand why they are so beloved."

When Lucifer failed to reply, God said softly,

"It is a great agony to know that those I created to provide example for free will with My love would create your free will in your hatred of them."

Before Lucifer can answer to that, he says, "But, of course, that is what they are meant to do - to inspire both love and hatred, courage and cowardice."

Lucifer protested, "I loved _You_ too much. _Now_ I hate them."

God's form chuckled, though it was through light and not tone. It echoed along Lucifer's grace quietly.

"Here. I am giving you that choice; I see you in error, and I could show you as I see it, why you are wrong, but that would be taking your free will, Lucifer, so I will not. What good is the pain or joy you create for yourself if I never let you find or feel it?"


	6. Chapter 6

"My morningstar," and would that be a croon, "In you I put too much of My light, and that is why you were the first to Fall, for deep within your grace you resonated with My Will, and knew you must guide your brothers, morningstar, fight for your free will. You were always going to have to Fall - ArchAngels have too much of Me, which is why I burdened so few with it. You had to Fall, to change, and remake what of Me was in you."

"**No!**" cried out Lucifer, against losing his Father, even though he had disobeyed, had Fallen thinking he would never see God's face again, and had believed that to be true despair, true agony. But losing what in him was of God was beyond pain, was beyond anything. Beyond _everything_.

"_No._" But it was smaller now, unsure and afraid.

A gentle caress, that calmed him though he did not want to be calm.

"You love me as I love all of you." God whispered with great sadness.

And perhaps it _was_ a terrible thing to bear.


	7. Chapter 7

For the first time in all that had been spent in the cage, it was Lucifer who broke the companionable silence, to initiate conversation.

"How did you leave them without being noticed?"

And gentle laughter, indulgent, answered him. He did not question God's ability, of course, but was simply curious as to the literal how.

His ability to question was, ironically, something that had distanced him from the Host and made him more alike humanity that he would ever admit.

"I love you Lucifer, so I Fell with you."

Silence beyond shock. It flew through to alarm.

"Michael cast You out of Heaven?"

Agony, horror, outrage, awe, _hatred_.

For any Angel would be filled with Holy Wrath at that confession. Lucifer loved Michael beyond the fate they were entrapped in, beyond eternity, but for a moment there was no love, just an intense numbness of rage, rage that made his consciousness waver and slip.

He returned to himself, and even then his senses were confused.

Then, an even greater horror rose up - on Michael's behalf. Michael would not be able to conceive of it. It would break him a thousand times more than it did Lucifer as a witness. Just the thought of God being Felled was terrible enough. But from Heaven? By an _Angel_? **_In God's name?_** It multiplied until Lucifer felt sick in his grace, nauseated and confused and dying.

To discover that he had driven their Father away would destroy Michael. Michael, who had placed their Father above everything, including Lucifer. Michael, who had expelled Lucifer, whom he had loved since The Beginning, from Heaven at God's command. _And_, Lucifer adds silently, _God, as well_.

He had placed humanity above God at God's orders by bowing. But this was almost morbidly wrong, it asked so much more of Michael. Too much.

"Michael…", Lucifer tried to begin.

"- Will be freed. I put too much of Myself in him as well, and so he knows only of My Absolution, and cannot bring himself to question it. To know he threw me out would release him from his belief in My complete power. He would be disillusioned from My omnipotence, be forced to see himself before Me." It was spoken softly, but not without grief, too, for the pain it would cause.

Lucifer said flatly, "He will never forgive himself."

"You underestimate My ability to forgive - and therefore his." And somewhere, it was a soft way to tell Lucifer that he could be redeemed. Except he did not want for redemption just yet - at least, not if he was expected to give up his love for God to humanity.

"It seems to me more akin a punishment then a forgiveness." He says warily.

"I punished you not for your disobedience, Lucifer, but for failing to love humans above Me. I wanted you to disobey, to use free will. It is only right that while Michael followed orders, I punish him for failing to love you above Me. I wanted him to disobey as well, that you might both use free will. But there is a long time yet for that to change."

Lucifer just regarded Him blankly.

"Fate is now what they make of it. Of course, they will use the prophecies as their bases - to my chagrin - but I hope that one day they will decide to do something outside of what they presume I Will to be."


	8. Chapter 8

"Tell me one thing, Father."

"Yes?"  
He knew, of course, but He always made the asker voice their thoughts when He guided them. Now He wasn't going to tell Lucifer what to do, but He could contemplate it, or nudge him in the right direction if He thought to.

Lucifer needed to know either way.

"Is it possible to love humanity as I have loved you?"  
It was hard to say, for it felt as if he was already bowing to them, already giving up his love for God.

A great, blinding smile radiated from God, though his form had no discernible features. The joy that emanated and sank into Lucifer's grace was as if the question, despite being known before even Lucifer dared think it, had been an unexpectedly delightful surprise.

"I never made anyone to fail, Lucifer. I gave you all the ability to be more. I would never have asked to bow, never let Michael Fell you if you had no potential for the task I set before you."

Lucifer tried to understand the way his Grace seemed to shudder at that.

_Ah. He had failed._

But he supposed he had the ability to fix things, as well.

Uncomfortably, he shifted. He was still unready to give himself to humanity, and any sort of give felt upsetting, but he knew that to be his pride.

"So tell me of humanity?" He says hopefully.

God laughs, then, and sighs, "No, Lucifer, learn to love on your own, remember? It is up to you."

Lucifer sends, through his Grace, the non-ambivalent version of a sagging motion, and God laughs, again.

Lucifer notes he has a face, now. A small man, pale and unassuming, although God shown through bright and amused.

Lucifer felt he was owed a direct answer, at least. God should not answer as the Devil might - so vaguely. No sooner had he thought it that God sighed, almost sadly, as if catching it and disapproving of the name-calling.

"Yes. In fact, it will only take one human in particular to gain all of your affections."

Lucifer waited for more, resumed slumping when no words were forthcoming.

God could not seem to stop laughing.

And perhaps it made Lucifer laugh, too.


	9. Chapter 9

**Freedom.**

Lucifer erupted from the Cage in a visceral moment of light and ecstasy. He spilled out into the warm night, flushed the windows and archways of the small church with light, his Grace eradicating any indication that demons had lain dead on the floor before. He felt the world around him, could not completely ignore the dissatisfaction of finding smog and pollution and hate and sin, but was too happy to let it ruin his joy, too exultant at the world itself, rendered from God. He gave the Grace equivalent of laughter, bright and exhilarated.

At his shoulder he then felt a familiar presence, a humble joy, small, self-effacing. It shocked him, that his Father had taken on so small a form, but before he could mention it, the voice rang light and delighted in his Grace, "I took the liberty of placing Sam and Dean out of the blast radius. I don't think Sam is quite ready to meet you yet." And it was so full of mirth that Lucifer was caught in the quiet gaiety his Father filled him with and could not argue.

They parted ways, soon after, for his Father wanted to 'play around a bit' before they met again, and Lucifer had to find a vessel other than Sam in the meantime. After the initial euphoria had passed, he recognized that Sam would indeed be very hard to convince of his peace - a thousand years worth of 'bad rap' as his Father had almost gleefully explained was not likely to be changed in a night, especially when Sam was in a state of shock as he likely was now.

That was perfectly acceptable to Lucifer. His patience could not be tried when he felt such absent-minded and full joy.

He did not yet, but he was ready to love humans.


End file.
